U.n.w.e.l.l
Wow, I can’t believe that it’s been awhile since I last “blogged” on here. I try very very hard not to pour my feelings out on here because I’m terrified that people will start judging me…that or I’d end up showing signs of my weaknesses. It’s not so much of being afraid to be judged, I really don’t care what people think of me but I don’t want to be labeled more than anything else.
Every time when I start typing, I get an emotional breakdown because whenever I try to express my feelings, it always leads to my depression. I feel rather helpless. I know for a fact that I have the choice and choose not to be depressed. But this recession is just so overpowering and averting me from being happy. I know, life’s all about choices…be it wise or utterly foolish.
I feel so pathetic for dragging myself into this unwanted and undesirable predicament. I don’t want to feel this way, believe me but I’m just not strong enough to just get up and pick up the pieces and start running again. This road that I’m traveling has way too many hurdles. I do realize that if I can find that much needed audacity and strength, I will get closer to the finishing line.
I am still blessed that I have a great support system. My friends have been really supportive and compassionate about this whole disarrays that I’m going through right now. Some of the people I haven’t even met in person. I’m overwhelmed with the love and I’m eternally thankful.
I keep telling myself, whenever I have any breakdowns be it driving in my car, taking a shower, praying, at work (most of the time), before I go to sleep that this exhausting episode will be over or at least subside in next to no time. I need to be fair to myself and not being too hard. The pain is rather excruciating for me to let go that quickly. Losing 3 of the people whom I love dearly certainly has vacuumed joy and happiness outta me. Not to mention hope. I know that God works in mysterious ways and I’m well aware that everything happens for a reason. I just pray that God will give me the much desired strength to move forward and carry on with my life because I have a son who needs me wholly. God, let there be light at the end of this dreary and dark tunnel. Please give me the strength and patience so that I can be myself again. A big part of me was taken away from me so unwillingly so I ask for your miracle so that I can endure other life’s challenges and demands well. The missing part of me will never be recovered but I pray to You that You will bestow happiness upon me and my family. Let my family be a family again.
Every time when I start typing, I get an emotional breakdown because whenever I try to express my feelings, it always leads to my depression. I feel rather helpless. I know for a fact that I have the choice and choose not to be depressed. But this recession is just so overpowering and averting me from being happy. I know, life’s all about choices…be it wise or utterly foolish.
I feel so pathetic for dragging myself into this unwanted and undesirable predicament. I don’t want to feel this way, believe me but I’m just not strong enough to just get up and pick up the pieces and start running again. This road that I’m traveling has way too many hurdles. I do realize that if I can find that much needed audacity and strength, I will get closer to the finishing line.
I am still blessed that I have a great support system. My friends have been really supportive and compassionate about this whole disarrays that I’m going through right now. Some of the people I haven’t even met in person. I’m overwhelmed with the love and I’m eternally thankful.
I keep telling myself, whenever I have any breakdowns be it driving in my car, taking a shower, praying, at work (most of the time), before I go to sleep that this exhausting episode will be over or at least subside in next to no time. I need to be fair to myself and not being too hard. The pain is rather excruciating for me to let go that quickly. Losing 3 of the people whom I love dearly certainly has vacuumed joy and happiness outta me. Not to mention hope. I know that God works in mysterious ways and I’m well aware that everything happens for a reason. I just pray that God will give me the much desired strength to move forward and carry on with my life because I have a son who needs me wholly. God, let there be light at the end of this dreary and dark tunnel. Please give me the strength and patience so that I can be myself again. A big part of me was taken away from me so unwillingly so I ask for your miracle so that I can endure other life’s challenges and demands well. The missing part of me will never be recovered but I pray to You that You will bestow happiness upon me and my family. Let my family be a family again.
posted by LLopez at 3:13 PM
3 Comments:
sometimes you've got to let your weakness shine through. no one can be strong all the time. if you don't all your emotions will be bottled up inside and you'll have a total breakdown. i know, for i've been there. not good.
you've got a long and strength-sapping road ahead. take it one step at a time. don't go looking for happiness in every nook and cranny. happiness will embrace you when you least expect it. it can be an many and any form.
hugs from across the ocean
Corey
Thank you, honey. I know but it's just that I hate being in this sappy, low self-esteem, sad state of mind. I appreciate it.
i'm glad to hear that you hate being in that state of mind. i'd seriously have to rethink our friendship if you appreciate it LoL.
anyways, it's a step, the hating of those thoughts and emotions. it's when you wallow and dwell in those emotions that it gets its grasp on you.
hugs, and one giant bearhug from across the oceans.
Corey
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