When Reality Hits You

I was talking to a really close girlfriend of mine last night. It was one of our usual chats about everything and nothing at all. We were just talking about kids, well actually we were talking about a friend of hers whom I have never met in person but heard a lot about. She's a little younger than me but seems to have it all. She drives an expensive fancy car, has a good job, has all kinds of techy toys, lives in a nice home....everything that one would think makes a gal like her happy. But from my understanding, one thing is lacking for her complete happines; a child.

I've learned a lot by hearing and observing. One will never be happy with one has. What you don't have and others might have may brings satisfaction to you. But what you do have and others don't, might bring happiness to them. Normal for human being to never be satisfied with what they possess.

Anyways, we were just talking about that lady's constant comments about how she would like to raise her child someday. Yeah, sounded like she was painting a picture perfect; what seems to me like building a castle in the sky. I have learned from my own experience that before you have a child, you tend to have all sorts of expectations on how you plan to raise a child. You want everything to be perfect. You want your child to behave 24x7, to have respectful manners, smart, skillful and what-not's. Yes, I was once like that. Believe me, I wasn't raised in a perfect manner therefore I want my child to have etiquettes that I certainly don't have. I wanted my son to have all of the things that I never had growing up. But now that I'm a mother, I now know the difference between wishful thinking and reality. It was a lot easier said than done. Children have minds of their own. They've set themselves to have that distinctive individualities. No one told me that before, or at least I didn't really believe it till now. It all made sense to me now. My late parents raised my siblings and I the same way but we all grow up being totally different persons with assorted personalities.

My girlfriend made a comment about how this chica's constant comments about her plans with her future child. I told her, "yeah ok. Wait till she has one and we'll see if it's feasible". And then that's when she made this comment, "yeah, wait till she sees Ryan"! I felt like I was being punched at my stomach......hard. I was stunned, taken aback and simply surprised by her honest to goodness comment. Don't misjudge me when I say that I totally respect her frank opinion. I seriously and sincerely do. She's entitled to her opinion. But when someone that you care about hits you with their opinion like a punching bag, I couldn't help but to feel the excruciating pain. It's not like I'm totally unaware of my son's mischievous behavior. I am fully aware of it and it fact, she knows that it bothers me big time. It was as though she was giving me an unexpected reminder; which was totally uncalled for.

Yes, I admit with honor that her son behaves better than mine and she encounters less embarassing moments with her child than I do but he's far from being an angel either. All kids have their own moments. For heaven's sake, they're kids. But getting that sort of comment from your close friends; well, to me was really unfair and honestly, rude. I have never made that type of comment to her about her son because I feel that it's really not necessary. I'm sure she knows her son's short-comings, just as I do mine. All of my life, I've never met any "perfect" kid and there's really none!

She must've sensed my offensive tone when I said, "what's that supposed to mean?". And later she tried to fix the weirdness atmosphere by saying something like "my son's such a softy". WTF? Yes, he's a softy alright. I can add more to it like whiny, clingy and much more but I didn't. I was trying very hard to be reasonable and act as an adult. All I said was, "I'm just blessed that my son has his wittiness and a little bit of a daredevil, which is not a good thing half the time but at least he's always willing to take chances and risks". She agreed with me and said that whenever her sons falls, he'd cry like a baby. I really didn't expect her to agree with me just to make me feel better. That wouldn't change the hurt impact she's left on me. I do agree that there are a lot of work to be done with my son. God knows I do acknowledge that fact. I know I'm being overly emotional, but I guess I wasn't really prepared for this. I know that bestfriends should be able to tell you anything; as honest as they can but to me personally, I'd never say anything like that to her.

Yes, this is truly a wake up call and a not so friendly reminder for me to start doubling my effort. Thank you to her for her honest comment.