Leave me alone

I had a call from my sister today. She wanted to know what I wanted to do with the old antique fishing rod I gave my dad before. My husband got that fishing rod for my dad before he died. After he died, Yang, my brother who just passed away kept it in his room. That rod worth quite a bit of money because it’s an old-fashioned rod.

Gosh!! I am so sick of talking about “who gets what, what’s gonna happen to this and that”!!!! I wish these people would just let me fuckin’ grieve peacefully. I don’t care about the fuckin’ materials. I seriously don’t. Leave me the fuck alone! All I ever wanted now is just to grieve quietly without any conversation about any assets or belongings. Why can’t they give me this? If nothing at all, I deserve some time alone to mourn in my own time.

Yang hasn’t been gone a month and the talks about his belongings just made me sick in my stomach. I mean, how quick did they get over his death? Not me. It took me a long time to begin to accept that Mama’s gone forever; heck I’m still finding the closure and now I’ve to start finding the peace to accept that Yang’s gone too. He worked hard all his life to gain whatever that he had so just leave it alone. It was his to begin with. Why are they worrying over stuff that don’t fucking belong to them????? I don’t have much but I hope this won’t happen when go six feet down under. I mean, come on!!! He just died, for crying out loud.

I told myself, the next time I hear talks about this again, I’m gonna give them a piece of my mind. I’m gonna say, “please stop it! I can’t deal with this any longer!”. I’m a wimp, I admit that but please let me have the privacy of my own to just mourn, that’s all. And that’s not too much to ask, is it?