The Episodes of My Life.......

My Man

2008-04-16T22:56:00.004-04:00

All grown up. He has his moments that drive me up the wall and leaves me with very little patience but he's the most loving boy I've ever known in my life. I was timid and shy when I was young and that used to irked my parents especially my dad and it's a total opposite with Ryan. Shy doesn't exist in his vocabulary. He'll say "Hi" to anybody and everybody or "how are you, Mam/Sir" or "Have a good day" or "I like your shirt". I never did that when I was younger. I started being affable and friendly when I got here in the US. I was reserved and quiet growing up. I'm proud to see how he makes friends easily. And boy does he ever shut up LOL. He's a little chatter box that one can't help but to smile at his non-stop talking. You'll never know what he's gonna say next. My booger..my monkey that drives me crazy at times but yet makes me the happiest person on earth. I can't imagine life without him. It would be purposeless and senseless. He's my hope, my dream and my future.

Mini Me

2008-03-13T10:00:00.001-04:00

Mini Me
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan

Took this shot while he was doing his homework. We had a late start as today was his first swimming lesson at the Mary Meagher Aquatic Center. Due to the bad traffic, we got there pretty late. But it all doesn't matter. He had so much of fun.

2007-09-10T11:05:00.000-04:00

"If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms"

You weren't there when I was in the shithole, what makes you think you have the right to tell me about your opinion; when it wasn't asked?

Unspoken words

2007-07-30T12:44:00.001-04:00

Unspoken words
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan

Don't hang onto the wrong branch 'cause it's worthless and pointless

2007-04-11T11:56:00.001-04:00

Don't hang onto the wrong branch 'cause it's worthless and pointless
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

"Hang" ~ Matchboxtwenty

She grabs her magazines
She packs her things and she goes
She leaves the pictures hanging on the wall, she burns all
Her notes and she knows, she's been here too few years
To feel this old

He smokes his cigarette, he stays outside 'till it's gone
If anybody ever had a heart, he wouldn't be alone
He knows, she's been here too few years, to be gone

And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday
But if there's nothing there to make things change
If it's the same for you I'll just hang

The trouble understand, is she got reasons he don't
Funny how he couldn't see at all, 'til she grabbed up her coat
And she goes, she's been here too few years to take it all in stride
But still it's much too long, to let hurt go (you let her go)

And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday
But if there's nothing there to make things change
If it's the same for you I'll just hang
The same for you
I'll always hang

Well I always say, it would be good to go away
But if things don't work out like we think
And there's nothing there to ease this ache
But if there's nothing there to make things change
If it's the same for you, I'll just hang

Flickr

2007-04-11T11:55:00.001-04:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Deserted

2007-04-06T10:52:00.001-04:00

Abandoned
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

This was taken from the train ride we went on last Saturday in New Haven, KY. The weather was gorgeous. Perfect day to be out and about.

For some reason, this image of an old abandoned house struck a thought in my head. How can something that was once beautiful left being unappreciated now? I bet this beauty was once housed a family...makes me wonder; "was it a perfect and loving family?". It's true, the exterior might be damaged but the foundation is still standing.

That truly reflects a human being's attribute. Human change physically over time but what's vital is the characteristics that make a person who he/she is. Time does change a person physically, that's what ageing is all about but what stays are the personality, manners, behavior and attitude. It's inevitable and almost human nature for people to be judged from the first impression but one can only hope that that impression stays temporary. If we all take the time to get to know one another and see what's important instead of being quick to judge and let the temporary impressions stay permanent. If we all can accept the fact that we're all different and appreciate the difference; we'll be a'ight. And if we all can quit expecting from one another and stop using other people for our advantages, this world wouldn't be a bad place after all.

Sometimes it makes me wonder, when I leave this world what impression or what kind of memories had I left to those whom I care dearly? Or even to people who know me....or think they do? Not that it matters but I can't help but wonder how I was seen by others. I wouldn't dwell on what others think of me cause it makes no great shakes but I do ponder on that thought sometimes. Gone are the days where I'd go the extra mile to make sure that I was well liked and that I have pleased somebody....those days are over. As I age and as I have met all kinds of people, as I experience the good and the bad in life, I've learned through the hard way that you CANNOT please everybody. I've also learned that it's you that needs to be pleased first and then worry about everybody else.

As time goes by, I noticed that the number of people you call "Friends" are getting lesser and lesser. It's disheartening but I've made peace with that hard truth. True friends last a lifetime....and it's Quality over Quantity. I know that some people just don't get me. It's cool. I don't expect them to. Only some people "get" me....and when they do, they really know me.

First ride on the choo-choo

2007-04-04T16:25:00.001-04:00

Looking out at life
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

We took Ryan on his first train ride last Sunday in New Haven, KY. It's about 50 miles from Louisville. The weather was conducive for any outdoor type of activities and I figured, since last year we didn't quite make it for a train ride, I felt compelled to do it this time. Plus, I had to bribe him each time he behaves bad; "If you wanna go on the choo choo ride, no spitting, no hitting, no whining and no crying"!!! Yeah, it only worked some....not all.

New Haven is located south of Kentucky and the journey was just breathtaking and more often than not, I repeatedly saying, "Oh my God! This is heavenly" one too many times. It's the kind of journey where you just couldn't keep your eyes closed or intentionally or unintentionally fall asleep. Car sleepers, you have no idea what you're missing. This is the kind of atmosphere I have been missing for 26 years of my life. Serenity, tranquility, peace, quiet, calm, laid-back and all the adjectives one can find in Webster's.

Ever since I moved to Kentucky 6 years ago, I have learned to appreciate the country living, something to the contrary of what I was used to...hustle bustle of the so-called city life, the noise, the traffic, the rudeness, the disrespectfulness, the ill-mannered....and of course the list can go on and on. Don't get me wrong, not one city is perfect without and cons about it and I do miss home terribly. It's just that I don't know if I miss the mess & chaos.

I came across tons of abandoned barns, horses, silos, corn fields....great place to take tons of pictures of but I was rushing to make it before 2pm or I would. We didn't even have anything to eat so when we got there, we learned that we had plenty of time to kill. We looked around to find any fast food restaurants but there was none. That says a lot :-) It means, you're in a country alright!! So we had to drive about 7 miles away to get to the ONLY Pizza Hut around that vicinity.

The ride was fun. The Conductor was explaining to us the history of Kentucky Railway but I couldn't tell you what or how or when as Ryan was being a tad disorderly. Well, it wasn't completely his fault. He's a 3 year old, and what does he care about the history? All he wanted to do right that second was to get on that dag on train!!!!!!

His dream finally came true....to ride on Choo-Choo. It costs quite a bit but it's well worth it. To see the excitement and joy on his face......priceless. I wouldn't trade anything for the pure and authentic expression on that boy's face. From what I heard, Thomas The Tank Engine is coming in July. Oh man! Ryan will be thrilled!!!

All in all, it was a great day. I just can't get over of how beautiful the weather was.....my kind of weather :-)

I'm ready to fly again

2007-03-21T16:13:00.001-04:00

I'm ready to fly again
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

"If you love somebody set him free. If he comes back, love him and keep him. If he doesn't, it was never really meant to be”

Far Away - Nickelback

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,

[CHORUS]
I love you
I loved you all along
I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'd never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know,

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'd never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
So far away
far away for far too long
So far away
So far away
far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me,and never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
hold on to me never let me go

Keep breathing
hold on to me, never let me go

Flying away

2007-03-13T23:19:00.001-04:00

I'm flying away so let me go
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

A change isn't always a good thing but I feel like starting fresh and put the history behind me....swallowing my pride, animosity, anger, disappointment, frustration and hostility; Yes, I started on a clean slate. Don't know if it's worth it in the long run but some people say, good things happen to those who wait and so I'm waiting.

Consequences of choices that one has made is indeed a reality that sometimes hit you in your face but it can also be a wake up call.

Forgiveness

2007-03-13T10:22:00.001-04:00

Please return the key to my heart
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

I've read somewhere of the saying, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" or something like that and I thought, "hmmm, ain't that the truth?" but then again for all the deeds that I've done were nothing but out of sincerity. It used to bother me of how unappreciated I felt in the past but now....I'm just letting it go. But I have also learned that enough is indeed enough. Sometimes, one has no choice but to say no even if it wasn't intentional.

~ FORGIVENESS ~
If I cannot forgive myself
For all the blunders
That I have made
Over the years,
Then how can I proceed?
How can I ever
Dream perfection-dreams?
Move, I must, forward.
Fly, I must, upward.
Dive, I must, inward,
To be once more
What I truly am
And shall forever remain.

- Sri Chinmoy

Daughtry here I come!!!!

2007-03-08T09:56:00.001-05:00

Chris Daughtry
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

I'm excited, thrilled and overjoyed. I have WON tickets to see Daughtry performing in Louisville on March 26, 2007!! I have been dying to win his tickets.

The tickets were on sale few weeks ago and a minute after it was on sale, they were all sold out. Since this place where the concert's going to be held is not a stadium, there's no such thing as assigned seats. It's a freakin' bar and if you come early enough, you'd get as close as you if you're lucky.

The local radio station that I listen to at work had the giveaway contest today and I was the lucky caller 15th!! I wanted to scream out loud but since I was at work, I held back my excitement. The ticket costs $20 a piece and they're now $100 on ebay. Speaking of lucky eh? This is the 2nd time I've won concert tickets from that radio station. The first time was the tickets to see Goo Goo Dolls and they were front row tickets too so I took Leena with me.

Perfect timing to go see a concert since I just had Lasik done to my eyes and my new camera as well. I don't have to fool with my glasses and I can just enjoy the concert!!!!

I've been in the shit hole lately and this certainly made my day. I'm truly blessed.

And I thought you were different

2007-03-06T10:47:00.001-05:00

And I thought you were different
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

Sometimes our minds fool us into believing that some things look different when truth of the matter is, they're all the same-Leen Lopez

I do know this for a fact. More often than not, what your mind tells you somehow blinds what your heart can feel or see. Just because something temporarily makes one feels good, that doesn't justify that it's utterly different. Maybe one just got caught up in the moment....a brief feel good moment.

It was snowing that day

2007-02-20T12:31:00.000-05:00

That smile of his
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

It was snowing hard on Saturday, February 17, 2007. It snowed non stop from morning till evening and we had like 5" snow on the ground. Was just beautiful. Took Ryan outside and played with the snow. He sure had a blast. This is him taken with my new baby, Nikon D80 :-) I'm happy how this turns out.

Better Now

2006-11-29T22:31:00.000-05:00

Better Now
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

Well, another year has passed. It’s that time of the year again where time reminds you that you’re a year older….and wiser too, hopefully. I didn’t do anything “fun” on this day. Rick was working and Leena was out to lunch. I spent the entire day working my rear off. After I dropped Ryan to school, I started washing the dishes that have been left in the sink. Then I swept the kitchen and bathroom floors. Cleaned the toilet and mopped the floors. It’s pretty typical when you have a toddler who thinks he “owns” the entire house by invading every bit of space in the family room with his toys. Cleaning his play room is like a daily chore.

This year’s birthday seemed to be a very quiet one. Over the years, I have learned to stop expecting to get the wishes. Before, the more wishes I got, the happier I became. But now, I’ve totally quit on expecting. I don’t expect anyone to remember but then again, it’s nice to receive the wishes unexpectedly. Now, it just doesn’t matter anymore. It’s no biggie whatsoever. If they remember, well that’s nice. If not, fuck ‘em LOL!!!! Kidding! On a serious note, it wouldn’t bother me none. I’m not that special anyway. The only wishes that I miss to get from the most are from my late mother and brother. Mama used to call me all the way from home to wish me. She’d always say, “semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki” or directly translated as “I pray for your longevity and prosperity”. And my late brother would send a text message to my cell phone. That’s why this year, for some reason I felt lonelier than ever on my birthday.

I used the excuse of cleaning the house as an excuse to not feel emotional. It was a good therapy for me. Took my mind off my sorrow temporarily. Yet another year has passed. What have I achieve? I can’t tell you what I have achieved…..I don’t have to look hard enough to find the answer. I haven’t really achieved anything major or significant that I can be shouting in pride of. This hasn’t been a fantastic year of joy for me and Leena. I’ve been telling myself time and time again that I refuse to be the victim of grief but I’m human. A weak one not to mention. Dodging the reality is what I know best at this time. Not very mature or wise but that is all I know how to deal with my pain….by avoiding. I know I need to work on that but as of now, I’m comfortable in completely avoiding to even talk about it. I know that in time I will heal….I just need more time, that’s all.

2006 brings a lot of ups and downs in all aspects of my life. But only I know the good and bad that happened to me this year. It’s just another year of a learning experience. To be a better person in general. I’ve made great friends especially over flickr. I’ve managed to develop great friendships. After 5 years, I finally found friends that I can really get along with, namely Christina and Paula. I find it odd that we all met through flickr and we clicked instantly. They’re a hoot. We’re the same age and we get along great. We’ve been spending a lot of times on the weekends either shooting pool or bowling.

Few people that I met in person, well, let’s just say that didn’t go very well. Their actions just disappointed me and I’ve decided not to go for another flickr meet with them. Well, let’s just say that is really history. I don’t intend to pursue anything further.

I also had the much anticipated visit from my best friend, Linda. We’ve known each other for over 15 years now. That was really sweet of her to visit me all the way from Arizona when she visited her husband’s brother who’s working there. She really didn’t have to cause it costs more to fly from AZ to KY but she did and I’m glad she did. We had a blast although I didn’t take her to a lot of places as how I planned. We both have kids and it was rather inconvenient going places with toddlers who were in need of naps daily. But I had fun having her around….we talked…we laughed….like the good ‘ol times. After the passing of my mother and brother, I figured I’d never have any more visitors from back home so Linda’s visit was a blessing.

I’m optimistic and hopeful that 2007 will be a better year, InsyaAllah. From all of the mishaps that have happened to me, I now live one day at a time. As I grow emotionally year after year, I thwarted any drama to bother me or even catch my attention. Fuck! I’m 31 years old and I really don’t need anymore drama in my life. I used to care what other people think, or what they’re doing or whatever it is that people do to get attention….well, let’s just say I don’t give a fuck anymore. I hate dramas and drama queens. I value the close relationships I have with my family and my friends who matter to me. Friends who accept me the way I am and accept my shortcomings, my flaws and my imperfections. I’ve learned to just accept who I really am and stop trying to be someone I’m really not. Tried it before but didn’t work. I’m by far perfect but I try my very best to be the person I can be and that’s all I can do. I’m done going beyond and over to impress anyone cause evidently that action bites me in the ass one too many times. This is a cruel world we’re living in. If someone doesn’t really care about you and your well being, why bother. That’s what I’ve learned through the hard way. It hurts me and sure did frustrate me but hey, what have I got to lose for having any acquaintance who couldn’t be bothered if I’m still breathing.

So if someone asks me what I really wish on my birthday, I’d say I’m gonna keep the little circle of friends that I have and maintain it, nourish it and work on it. I’d also like to be living from now on cause life is just too damn short to be just existing. I’m living my life and I’m going to be fearless from now on. I’d like to get out of my shell that comforts me and just enjoy life in general. I want to be a good mother, wife, friend, sister and aunt…..that’s all I want.

Am determined to refuse to be the victim of grief

2006-09-29T13:09:00.000-04:00

Am determined to refuse to be the victim of grief
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

I have returned to reality. The much needed vacation was nice, well, most of the time. Some other time it was filled with aggravation. What's new?

The drive to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina was a total pain in the a$$. It took us about 12 hours. 12 hours without smoking just effing killed me. We stopped couple of times to fill the gas up or to restroom break. Leena and I kept reminding ourselves of how nice it would be if it was just us two....We'd be smokin' away like chimneys LOL.

I just don't understand what the hype was all about Myrtle Beach. I mean, every freakin' summer, that place would be jam packed with bunch of teeny boppers or a.k.a college kids and people who pick Myrtle Beach for their summer vacation getaway spot. I mean, it's alright in my opinion, but it ain't all that. Seriously. I just don't get it at all. Yeah, the beach was clean and all but there wasn't any coconut trees and the water wasn't blue..it was more light brown. I have been pampered with the beautiful beaches and islands in Malaysia so Myrtle Beach didn't do a thing to me.

I was happy with the condo though. It was huge. It was a 2 bedroom apartment with kitchen, living and dining room, 2 bathrooms and it was equipped with complete kitchen appliances, utensils, dishwasher as well as washer and dryer. I love that. Traveling with a toddler, it's almost a necessity to have a washer and dryer easily accessed. The hotel's clean but too bad we didn't have ocean view. It would cost more points to stay in one of the rooms with ocean view.

There's a room with 4 computers and internet connection. Yeah, I know I was supposed to be on vacation but I just couldn't resist. I brought my laptop thinking that they'd have wi-fi in the room, yeah they do but you have to pay so much for a week which I thought a little ridiculous.

I played pool with Leena, we played scrabble like a thousand times. Ryan had a blast. That sucker just loves water, be it the ocean or swimming pool. He had a pretty good tan on him too. Being Asian, of course I don't like him getting darker LOL but his dad likes his color. Geesh!

I'm glad Leena came along cause it'd be boring without her. We cooked together and walked along the beach a few times. One morning, we got up super early to capture the sunrise, hence the picture next to this blog. It was worth waking up early to. It was just peaceful, quiet and gorgeous.

And now I'm back to reality....facing the faces that I really don't care to deal with and back into the hard life struggle. Oh well. Beggars can't be picky, right? I'm just I got some time to go far away from reality.

Leen

Fall already

2006-09-14T11:50:00.000-04:00

Field of Purple
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

I haven't been out taking pictures lately. For some reason, I'm just not in a mood or rather, I feel very uninspired. People say that photography is about transforming your feelings into art. To me, it's just a tool that deciphers my emotions at that very moment. It's also an outlet of emancipation.

The weather has been nasty here lately. It rained since Monday and Rick's been working 2nd. Fall is drawing near. I can almost smell the breeze of dried maple leaves. The sun hardly comes out, if it does, there's still breath of chill in the air. I absolutely love Fall. It's my favorite season. This may sound silly but it's just so romantic during the Fall. I'm not a big fan of Summer at all. I had enough sun growing up back home.

I need to be prepared for Halloween this year. Learned a lesson since last year's Halloween. Waited too long to get Ryan's costume and that poor child ended up being a frog. Poor thing. I haven't a clue on what costume to get him.

I'm excited to go on a much needed break this Friday. We're going to Myrtle Beach in SC and will be there for about a week. I'm so excited that Leena's coming with us. I'm not really excited about the beach, I just need a break without having to come into work and feel bored with absolutely nothing to do. I'm most excited about making sand castles with Ryan and Leena. Also, to walk in the beach at night and just chat with Leena....and probably reminisce about the bad and especially good. We both need this.

Signing off,
Leen

U.n.w.e.l.l

2006-08-14T15:13:00.000-04:00

U.n.w.e.l.l
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

Wow, I can’t believe that it’s been awhile since I last “blogged” on here. I try very very hard not to pour my feelings out on here because I’m terrified that people will start judging me…that or I’d end up showing signs of my weaknesses. It’s not so much of being afraid to be judged, I really don’t care what people think of me but I don’t want to be labeled more than anything else.

Every time when I start typing, I get an emotional breakdown because whenever I try to express my feelings, it always leads to my depression. I feel rather helpless. I know for a fact that I have the choice and choose not to be depressed. But this recession is just so overpowering and averting me from being happy. I know, life’s all about choices…be it wise or utterly foolish.

I feel so pathetic for dragging myself into this unwanted and undesirable predicament. I don’t want to feel this way, believe me but I’m just not strong enough to just get up and pick up the pieces and start running again. This road that I’m traveling has way too many hurdles. I do realize that if I can find that much needed audacity and strength, I will get closer to the finishing line.

I am still blessed that I have a great support system. My friends have been really supportive and compassionate about this whole disarrays that I’m going through right now. Some of the people I haven’t even met in person. I’m overwhelmed with the love and I’m eternally thankful.

I keep telling myself, whenever I have any breakdowns be it driving in my car, taking a shower, praying, at work (most of the time), before I go to sleep that this exhausting episode will be over or at least subside in next to no time. I need to be fair to myself and not being too hard. The pain is rather excruciating for me to let go that quickly. Losing 3 of the people whom I love dearly certainly has vacuumed joy and happiness outta me. Not to mention hope. I know that God works in mysterious ways and I’m well aware that everything happens for a reason. I just pray that God will give me the much desired strength to move forward and carry on with my life because I have a son who needs me wholly. God, let there be light at the end of this dreary and dark tunnel. Please give me the strength and patience so that I can be myself again. A big part of me was taken away from me so unwillingly so I ask for your miracle so that I can endure other life’s challenges and demands well. The missing part of me will never be recovered but I pray to You that You will bestow happiness upon me and my family. Let my family be a family again.

In Memory of Ezri Shahrizan

2006-07-09T17:42:00.000-04:00

In Memory of Ezri Shahrizan
Originally uploaded by wildcats' fan.

I can't believe it's been a month since Yang passed away. I miss him so much. I have my breakdowns every now and then. I never knew it's gonna be this hard. Letting go is the hardest that I've ever done in my life. Every time I see his pictures, just breaks my heart.

Yang, I pray for your eternal peace and I pray that God will place your soul among the good. May God bless your soul. I love you very much.

Stop being a whimpy

2006-07-05T10:29:00.000-04:00

I never asked for any sympathy when Yang died from anybody. Empathy would be nice but I wasn't expecting it. But if it was coming from your friends, you'd treasure it even more. I was a little taken aback by few people who claim to be my friends. Not a word, not a call and not even a message on my email about the traumatic event that occured to me here recently. I know it was bad of me for expecting, but it was only natural. I know I'm such a weak person, hoping to gain sympathy but I thought that's what friends do.....be there for each other especially in times like this. I was ruminating the gist of friendships. Maybe it's time for me to just drop any expectations whatsoever

Thank you for being a friend

2006-07-02T11:25:00.000-04:00

I got up super early on Saturday to go yard-saling with Leena. We hit a few decent ones; I wouldn't say great. We didn't really find any outstanding one. But we had fun. We had a plan to go to Kak Maria's tomorrow but we changed our plan. I took Leena home with me and stopped @ Walmart on the way to get Ryan a baby pool to take to Kak Maria's. Just to keep Ryan occupied while we fix lunch.

We set the pool and we started cooking. I've never cooked any real dish outside before. All I ever fixed on the grill were hotdogs and bratwurst. I must say, it was a lot of fun. I started off with fixing the Nasi Lemak first. Took the ingredients outside and I started fixing the "sambal", kacang goreng, kangkung and jantung pisang. I thought it was funny cause usually people grill simple food but not us. We fixed the whole course LOL! Boy, I could only imagine what her neighbors must be thinking. We had late lunch on her deck under the umbrella and I ate with my hands, of course. Just like good 'ol times.

Oh my Gosh!! She also bought me "jeruk jering" and petai for Leena!! That got me laughing. Heck! We were eating "local food" on her freaking deck!! Oh not to mention, she also bought durian just for me. That was so sweet of her. She took Leena grocery shopping at a Vietnam store on 3rd st the other day. Ryan was taking his nap so right after we had lunch, we were just chilling inside and chatted. I miss hanging out with another friend like this. Used to do this back home and I must say, I like it a lot.

Maria is an Indonesian lady I met at the Oxmoor Mall 2 months ago. She was talking to another Indonesian lady and Leena noticed. She was too "chickened" to say hello to them. I did and us four started talking like we've known each other for years. Maria lost her husband a year and half ago to cancer. So she's all by herself. She lives in a very lovely home. I love her house but too bad for her, she lives there alone. Her house is super super clean. I can see that she's a clean freak but not the one that annoys you. One could only imagine how lonely she gets. So having us as her new friends sure brought new joy to her. Ones that she can get along with and share few things in common.

She's been living here in this country for over 12 years. She once lived in Philadelphia and then moved to KY 5 years later. She's not real close to her siblings and other family members and she regards Leena and I like sisters. It's so much fun having another person to speak Malay with. Those Malaysians that I met last Raya; well, let's just say we had absolutely nothing in common.

I'm glad I have found another friend here in a Foreign Land. Finally, I've someone to do things with. She's a really nice person. She's generous and very kind. I'm blessed and thank God for giving me this opportunity to have a new friend. It's always nice to have another person whom you enjoy a decent conversation.

Pressure

2006-06-27T23:14:00.000-04:00

A friend @ work is getting married in August. This will be her 2nd marriage. The first didn't go well at all. It ended up in an ugly divorce. She mentioned to me that in her first marriage, she didn't have any wedding reception and now that she's met the love of her life, she's spending shit load of benjamins on her wedding. I can understand her anxiety preparing for her big day. She asked me about a month back to be her wedding photographer. As excited and honored as I was, I'm starting to feel the pressure. What if I mess it up? What if the pictures don't turn out well? What if I forget to take shots of her important people? What if she doesn't like my work? She offered to pay me. I refused in the beginning. F***!!! I'm not a professional photographer. She's nothing but a guinea pig to me. Heck, a good testimonial could be coming from her if everything turns out well. I don't have confidence of my ability if I can deliver the job as expected. But come to think of it, I'd love to get any kind of money towards my fund of getting a better DSLR; something I've been dying to have of late.

I'm just honored that she has that kind of trust of me. I gave her the link to my flickr's photostream just to show her my work. I was laughing inside of me at the thought of using flickr as my portfolio LOL! Oh what the hell. That's all I've got. I'm hoping that this will turn out well so that I can put some of her pictures in a nice lookin' folder for my future reference. On the hand, who am I kidding? I'm not that great. I'm still learning and I've far too many techniques to learn.

Another lady @ work is also getting married in September. I'm hoping if Missy's wedding turns out alright, Tiff might consider hiring me to take shots of her wedding. But from what I understand, she's not having a big reception.

I'm beginning to enjoy photography. I've learned a lot from flickr. I have some kind of ideas on how to photograph Missy's wedding. I know this might sound a little out there, but this would be really nice to have as a part time job. Having a side income doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. I can save up and return home. At least, that's what I'm hoping. I've about a month to start preparing for Missy's wedding. I hope I will go there prepared. I've invited Leena to be my back up because I know that Leena has a good eye in Photography.

Wish me luck!

Leave me alone

2006-06-24T17:19:00.000-04:00

I had a call from my sister today. She wanted to know what I wanted to do with the old antique fishing rod I gave my dad before. My husband got that fishing rod for my dad before he died. After he died, Yang, my brother who just passed away kept it in his room. That rod worth quite a bit of money because it’s an old-fashioned rod.

Gosh!! I am so sick of talking about “who gets what, what’s gonna happen to this and that”!!!! I wish these people would just let me fuckin’ grieve peacefully. I don’t care about the fuckin’ materials. I seriously don’t. Leave me the fuck alone! All I ever wanted now is just to grieve quietly without any conversation about any assets or belongings. Why can’t they give me this? If nothing at all, I deserve some time alone to mourn in my own time.

Yang hasn’t been gone a month and the talks about his belongings just made me sick in my stomach. I mean, how quick did they get over his death? Not me. It took me a long time to begin to accept that Mama’s gone forever; heck I’m still finding the closure and now I’ve to start finding the peace to accept that Yang’s gone too. He worked hard all his life to gain whatever that he had so just leave it alone. It was his to begin with. Why are they worrying over stuff that don’t fucking belong to them????? I don’t have much but I hope this won’t happen when go six feet down under. I mean, come on!!! He just died, for crying out loud.

I told myself, the next time I hear talks about this again, I’m gonna give them a piece of my mind. I’m gonna say, “please stop it! I can’t deal with this any longer!”. I’m a wimp, I admit that but please let me have the privacy of my own to just mourn, that’s all. And that’s not too much to ask, is it?

So Long, Farewell & Good Bye

2006-06-11T14:55:00.000-04:00

I really don't know how to begin this. I wanted to write much sooner to get it outta my chest, but I always find a reason not to cause I know of the impending effect this might do to me. I dread this. God knows how hard I tried to shun myself from writing about my feelings, my thoughts but I made peace with the fact that I need to cause this is one of the ways that can help ease the acute pain that I have right now.

I took off Friday to do some cleaning in the family room downstairs. I picked Leena up right after I dropped Ryan off at the daycare. We went yard-saling that morning and had fun. We even talked about Yang like how much Mama used to pamper him. Yang was the child prodigy in our family. He was the favorite among all of us. His wittiness when he was little brought so many colors to my family.

We worked our butts off that day and after I dropped Leena off I went to bed exhausted. Leena came to the room and started bawling. I said, "what's wrong?". She said, "Yang passed away" and she sobbed like a little child. I couldn't acknowledge and absorb of the message as I was in la-la land. I said, "Which Yang?". Can you believe I asked her that? She said, "our brother, Yang". Upon hearing that, I felt like a piercing sharp knife was just stabbed me through my heart! Lord knows how I wanted this to be a nightmare and I could just go back to sleep and wake up feeling relieved that this was all a bad dream. But it wasn't. That elucidation left me perplexed and stunned. How could this be? How? Why? Yang was only 38 and he just celebrated his 38th and now his last birthday last May 24.

Leena told me that my family has been trying to call my cell phone and home phone. Like I said, I felt beat when I went to bed and I was sleeping like a log and I couldn't hear the dag-on phone rang, in times like this. F***! Pardon my obscenity but I have all the reasons to be this way for I just couldn't express my anguish of losing the one person that I love dearly. Ineluctably, I can't help but to feel dejected, angry, miserable, mournful, discouraged, morbid...you get the picture. Why did God take away the good one? Why? He was my favorite brother, the one who literally raised my sister and I....the one who was always there when he was needed the most...the one whom I whined to whenever I had a misunderstanding with my dad. Why him, God? Why him?

This was all like a deja vu; when I received the bad news about Mama. Leena and I sobbed like there was no more hope, there wasn't. My family knows how my soul was desolated after my mom's death and now Yang. Words just couldn't describe the pain, the hurt that I'm going through right now.

Yang just got back from his frequent trip to China. He sent me a text message telling me that he was having a fever. He was having a chest pain, something that he never had before. That poor soul drove by himself to the doctor's office. He called Angah, my oldest brother to come and get him. Angah told him to sit tight while he was on his way. As soon as Angah arrived in front of the doctor's office, he called Yang's cell to let him know that he was waiting outside. The doctor answered and broke the news. When Angah walked in, Yang was laying on the floor shirtless. He was already gone!!! He died alone.

It really hurts me with the fact that I couldn't be there on his funeral. I've missed 3 funerals; one was for my dad, one was for my mom and now Yang. It just kills me deep inside. I'm going off my rocker, completely. I'd give my eyeteeth to get home in times like this. But I just couldn't afford it. 3 continuous funerals were more than I could handle. I hate being away from my family especially the funeral of my best brother.

Yang....I'd describe him as an angel sent from above. He was the best brother one could ever ask for. He literally raised Leena and I growing up. I remember when we were in school, as soon as we got home, the food would be ready on the table. The house would be spotless. Yes, that was the Yang I know. He was such a clean freak, not the kind that annoys you. He liked things clean. I can also remember vividly how he would always be mopping the floor or sweeping the floor when we walked in the door. Being in a broken family shaped my siblings to be independent but Yang was the exceptional one. He was the one whom we went to whine just about everything. He was so understanding and was easy to talk to. We could talk about everything and anything; while the rest...well, there were solid walls between us. But with Yang, I was most comfortable with among the older siblings.

I sent him my first and last birthday card to Yang last May. I remember writing. "I pray for your longevity, happiness, good health and prosperity because you deserved it. You're the best brother one could ever ask for". He sent me a text message and said, "I just received the card. Thank you. I felt sad reading it". If only I knew that was his last birthday card from me. I know that things happen for a reason but I wasn't prepared for the reason. He was too young. I was told by my friends how much Yang was loved by a lot of people because at his funeral, there were many cars parked along side on the street that we live on. They led to the main street. That made me feel so proud. Yang was very much loved. He was always caring, selfless, thoughtful, generous and kind.

Life will never be the same without him. There were holes in my soul after the death of my parents and now Yang. Those can never be filled. All of a sudden, I felt an utter emptiness.

Yang, wherever you are, I want you to know that I love you very very much. May Allah bless your soul. You will be sorely missed by all of us. I pray for your eternal peace. I miss you so much, Yang.

When Reality Hits You

2006-06-07T12:24:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a really close girlfriend of mine last night. It was one of our usual chats about everything and nothing at all. We were just talking about kids, well actually we were talking about a friend of hers whom I have never met in person but heard a lot about. She's a little younger than me but seems to have it all. She drives an expensive fancy car, has a good job, has all kinds of techy toys, lives in a nice home....everything that one would think makes a gal like her happy. But from my understanding, one thing is lacking for her complete happines; a child.

I've learned a lot by hearing and observing. One will never be happy with one has. What you don't have and others might have may brings satisfaction to you. But what you do have and others don't, might bring happiness to them. Normal for human being to never be satisfied with what they possess.

Anyways, we were just talking about that lady's constant comments about how she would like to raise her child someday. Yeah, sounded like she was painting a picture perfect; what seems to me like building a castle in the sky. I have learned from my own experience that before you have a child, you tend to have all sorts of expectations on how you plan to raise a child. You want everything to be perfect. You want your child to behave 24x7, to have respectful manners, smart, skillful and what-not's. Yes, I was once like that. Believe me, I wasn't raised in a perfect manner therefore I want my child to have etiquettes that I certainly don't have. I wanted my son to have all of the things that I never had growing up. But now that I'm a mother, I now know the difference between wishful thinking and reality. It was a lot easier said than done. Children have minds of their own. They've set themselves to have that distinctive individualities. No one told me that before, or at least I didn't really believe it till now. It all made sense to me now. My late parents raised my siblings and I the same way but we all grow up being totally different persons with assorted personalities.

My girlfriend made a comment about how this chica's constant comments about her plans with her future child. I told her, "yeah ok. Wait till she has one and we'll see if it's feasible". And then that's when she made this comment, "yeah, wait till she sees Ryan"! I felt like I was being punched at my stomach......hard. I was stunned, taken aback and simply surprised by her honest to goodness comment. Don't misjudge me when I say that I totally respect her frank opinion. I seriously and sincerely do. She's entitled to her opinion. But when someone that you care about hits you with their opinion like a punching bag, I couldn't help but to feel the excruciating pain. It's not like I'm totally unaware of my son's mischievous behavior. I am fully aware of it and it fact, she knows that it bothers me big time. It was as though she was giving me an unexpected reminder; which was totally uncalled for.

Yes, I admit with honor that her son behaves better than mine and she encounters less embarassing moments with her child than I do but he's far from being an angel either. All kids have their own moments. For heaven's sake, they're kids. But getting that sort of comment from your close friends; well, to me was really unfair and honestly, rude. I have never made that type of comment to her about her son because I feel that it's really not necessary. I'm sure she knows her son's short-comings, just as I do mine. All of my life, I've never met any "perfect" kid and there's really none!

She must've sensed my offensive tone when I said, "what's that supposed to mean?". And later she tried to fix the weirdness atmosphere by saying something like "my son's such a softy". WTF? Yes, he's a softy alright. I can add more to it like whiny, clingy and much more but I didn't. I was trying very hard to be reasonable and act as an adult. All I said was, "I'm just blessed that my son has his wittiness and a little bit of a daredevil, which is not a good thing half the time but at least he's always willing to take chances and risks". She agreed with me and said that whenever her sons falls, he'd cry like a baby. I really didn't expect her to agree with me just to make me feel better. That wouldn't change the hurt impact she's left on me. I do agree that there are a lot of work to be done with my son. God knows I do acknowledge that fact. I know I'm being overly emotional, but I guess I wasn't really prepared for this. I know that bestfriends should be able to tell you anything; as honest as they can but to me personally, I'd never say anything like that to her.

Yes, this is truly a wake up call and a not so friendly reminder for me to start doubling my effort. Thank you to her for her honest comment.

Bed Of Lies

2006-03-30T19:22:00.000-05:00

Bed Of Lies - Matchboxtwenty

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning, I am

Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry
Don't think that I could take another talk about it

Just like me you got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning, I am

Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in

Tried to be more than me
And I gave till it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we've made

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am I am all that I'll ever be

When you - lay your hands
Over me but don't go weak on me now
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this

I will not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning'
Cause I am

Gratitude over small mercies

2006-03-19T23:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's perfectly alright in believing something unreal to be almost real. When you're vulnerable, all the little things that make you happy or smile, just take it. Count all the tiny blessings that you have. Yes, this thing I have is unreal, made up, too good to be true. But it makes me happy and I'm hanging on to it with no hope or expectations whatsoever. I'm blessed and grateful for all the little things that puts a smile on my face.

Reality check

2006-03-12T23:11:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I write in my blog. I can come up with all kinds of excuses but I guess I choose not to. Because it just breaks my heart when I start pouring my heart out about how I feel or what's in my thoughts.

Yes, I am living in denial. There's no deny to that. Band aids can heal for so long, then it wears away. The scar will still be there. No amount of surgery can remove the scar. But I do acknowledge the fact that putting my thoughts and feelings down, helps alleviate some of the hurts I have. Some, although not all. Yes, it does help.

When you can't see where the road is ending, you're in a way....lost. Only you can search your direction. With determination, perseverance, courage and faith, somehow, you'll get there. Takes a lot of work, but I'll get there.

Pill Popper

2006-01-25T11:47:00.000-05:00

I've been having severe headaches at work here lately. I'm tired of having to pop Advil every freakin' day! And I loathe the idea of being dependent on pills to make me feel better or rather, to get through the day. The pressure is surmounting and there's nothing I can do in my control to make it all better. I hate the heebie-jeebies when the deadlines draw closer!

Manic Monday

2006-01-23T21:45:00.000-05:00

Monday...one must never expect much out of it. It seems like for all those work slaves, they're being cursed for having a 2 day weekend by having to face with Mondays. For all the fun that we had on weekends, we'll be punished on Mondays. This repetition never seems to cease. Unless you already have beaucoup bucks or hit the jackpot, you're being cursed; just like everybody else.

I, myself is not a big fan of Mondays. I read in those motivational cards shit like, "every morning, keep telling yourself that you'll have a perfect day and you will". What kinda crap is that? For Pete's sakes, I've been telling myself that every freakin' day for the past 10 years.

It was pouring this morning. I really don't like it when it rains in the morning because I'll have shitload of things to take with me to the car....then I have Ryan. Go figure. But this morning, he was in a better mood. I didn't make my usual routine which is stopping by McDonald's to get his cheese McGriddle, instead I packed Fruit Loops for him. You know, as though Monday's not bad enough, then you walk in your office and see "uninteresting" faces and not to mention annoying familiar faces. I mean, it was early and I haven't got my much needed caffeine, and then "wham"! There they were.....the "faces" which I really don't care to stare at much less be affable with. Not this early. Fine! I'm mean but who cares. When you walk in the office, you should tell yourself to look for pretty and pleasant faces as a "pick me up". Heaven forbid, I did.....and I had to settle for what's available ;-) lol. And what was available....I shouldn't finish my sentence. I'd rather not. That's why I love my high walls. To repel the hideous and unpleasant sights!!!!! It won't be too bad after I get my cappuccino. It's as similar as alcohol. I don't drink but from what I heard, after your 5th glasses of Budweiser, everybody in the same room look very pleasant!!!

What a weekend

2006-01-21T22:49:00.000-05:00

This must be my weekend. UK played University of South Carolina today in Rupp. South Carolina can't be disregarded because they have better 3 point shooters compared to Kentucky.

But from what I heard, after 3 consecutive losses by Kentucky, Tubby finally found something he felt that he needed to do to lift the spirits of the players. Apparently he took all the boys to watch "Glory Road" right before the game against Georgia. Glory Road talks about the winning of the Texas team against Kentucky back in the 60's. That was much needed to get these boys fired up. This team didn't play as ONE before. They didn't play with heart. It was more individual versus TEAM! Before the Georgia's game, all the boys left their egoes in the locker room where it belonged. Evidently, Tubby did something good to ameliorate the self-esteems of these boys. I heard, he got the Sports Psychologist to give a talk to the team. Whatever he did, it is working well.

Bobby Perry had his career high today. I really didn't care for this kid before. He made silly mistakes one too many times. But today, he played not like the usual Perry I've seen. We were down before the final minute. Sparks scored an NBA 3 way behind the line; maybe 5 foot behind the 3 point line. He started the momentum. Then, Rajon Rondo hit the game-winning 3 in the final 2 seconds! UK played with heart lock, stock barrel today!!!! Final score was 80-78 :-)

Good God! This is one of the most nerve-wrecking game this season. I screamed, I shouted, I clapped, I yelled, I cursed; you name it. My hands were swollen from clapping so hard. I know I sounded like I'm off my rocker but I'm this passionate about Kentucky's basketball. It has something to do with pride. When UK wins, I have a strong reason to come to work every Monday mornings.

As if that's not enough, today, the #1 ranked team in the country, Duke lost to Georgetown. What a game. Although JJ Redick scored 41 points, Duke still lost to Georgetown. Their fans went hysterical by running down to the court, as though they just won the National Championships!! Beating a higher ranked team means a lot to any team. Especially if you're either unranked or ranked lower. That's how crazy College Basketball is. It's all about pride.

Then I saw that our archrival University of Loserville, oops! my bad! University of Louisville lost to 3rd ranked University of Connecticut (UConn) by 13!!!! I can't ask for anything more this weekend!!! Close to perfect ;-)

Rick was going to play basketball with his cousin, Johnny Owens at a gym somewhere. I was dead bored sitting at home all day so I decided to go with him. We took our nephew Nick along. Ryan was excited because he loves playing ball. But when they started playing, I had to stop him from going in the court. He was throwing a fit and I must admit, I was a little embarassed by his misbehavior. He cried non-stop! Nick played like a superstar. I was so proud watching him play. I can't believe he's that good. With continous practice, that boy will be a great ball player one day.

So that's pretty much happened on my Saturday! I was hoping the weather would be warm enough for me to be doing something with Ryan. But the weather forecaster lied again! Damn! I guess that's the only job that gets paid and get away with lying.

It's been awhile

2006-01-19T20:56:00.000-05:00

It seems like forever since I blogged. It's almost pathetic that I can't seem to find the time to be alone on my laptop and start typing away my feelings, thoughts, mood etc for the day. It seems like a privilege to get on the computer and be on it for as long as I want. Kids do that to ya, don't they? In retrospect, I kinda miss the liberty & freedom of having my "alone" time. But hey, I'm not complaining. It's just that when you decide to start a family, ineluctably you sacrifice your privileges which sometimes not by choice. Ok I'm trying to see the light at the end of the unknown tunnel ;-)

That picture depicts hell hole LOL. As confined as it may seem, this is the place where I make a decent living. For cluster phobics, this cube is just not cut out for them. I'm fine with it. It ain't as big as I want it to be but heck, I have all the privacy I wanted.

For Pete's sakes, I'm totally out of ideas on how to put my thoughts on the screen. I totally suck!!! Maybe when I'm more relaxed, less intensed, I'll be able to pour my hearts out. In the meantime, Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas & Bong Natal!

2005-12-28T00:15:00.000-05:00

Friday was my last day of work for 2005. Boy, was I happy :-) I had to use all of my vacation days as I couldn't bring the remaining days forward for 2006. I had to rush home to make it on time for "the" game. My team, University of Kentucky (UK) was playing IONA. Honestly, I've never heard of that team before. But I know that this game wouldn't be a piece 'o cake! After the loss to Indiana, by God, UK doesn't take any team for granted. We were lucky cause my husband purchased the tickets early. And I mean, real early. So we got the floor seats. Words simply couldn't describe how excited I was. Yeah, I've been to other UK games before but this...I mean, this is by far the best seats we've ever gotten. I was right on the floor, I could almost reach out my hands and touch the players. Seeing my favorite player, Rajon Rondo in action upclose and personal....left me in total awe! He's just amazing. I had the best time! Aside from getting my christmas gift from my husband, this is one of the best gifts ever!! Surprisingly, my husband was in his best behaviour ;-) He didn't cuss, he didn't whistle as how he usually does or do anything simply put stupid!!! LOL. But me on the other hand, I was cheering all the way. Geared up in my UK long sleeves shirt, UK tobbogan and my pom pom, I was ready to go! They all played really well. Woo really surprised me. He's improved so much ever since the UofL game. Way to go, Woo!

Christmas was rather quiet. I didn't really do a whole lot. On Christmas day, we visited our dear friend in Federal Penitentiary. He hasn't had any visitors for the past 3 years and we felt kinda bad. We haven't seen him in 3 years so I figured, it was time to pay him a visit. He's doing well. That was his first time meeting my son. So I'm glad we went to see him.

I got the camera I wanted for Christmas. I was ecstatic. My husband got me the Canon SI I2, just in time before the game. I was touched that he got what I wanted that I bawled. Yeah, I know....sounds corny but it just floored me. I was lucky cause the type of camera that I wanted was sold out everywhere else. My son got a lot of gifts too, so he was happy!

Write soon. Peace out!

My UK's Victory!!!

2005-12-17T22:11:00.000-05:00

I am indeed a diehard University of Kentucky's basketball fan. As the saying among the UK fans goes, "I bleed blue!" I was never exposed to basketball before when I was back home in Malaysia. Well, blame it on the broadcasting stations that never exposed the Malaysians sports fans to basketball. I never understood the game before. Never knew how it's played and never understood why there are only 5 men playing against each other in the court. But ever since I've been here, my love for basketball grew fonder each day. Being married to a basketball fanatic fan, developed my understanding about basketball. I never could understand what the hype was all about of College basketball. I thought to myself, "heck, these players are not even paid to play. Why are they busting their asses in court to win a mere title? They just get scholarships. Big whoop!!!" Now I know. Kentucky is indeed a basketball state. Basketball is like a religion here. We have 2 teams that are among the best in the nation.

Now let me begin about the great rivalry between Universtiy of Kentucky and University of Louisville. This has been a tradition for a very long time. The intensity, the heat and the enmity between these colleges are known nationwide. I don't know much about soccer, but to paint a picture of the rivalry, well, it's almost like Manchester United and Arsenal, if you will. The fans get really emotional, not to mention obnoxious amont themselves. It doesn't matter which team makes it to the Final Eight, Final Four or even the Final. What matters within the Kentuckians is who wins between these two. Who gets beat up, that's all that matters to us.

Basketball season is one of the best seasons in a year. It's almost as "big" as Halloween or even Christmas. Everywhere you go, you'll see fans in blue (Kentucky) or red (Louisville). Not being biased, but UK fans travel everywhere just to see their team play, even to Hawaii!!! It was reported that today's attendance was 24,432!!!!!!!!! Mostly UK fans. Damn! I wish I was there. Too bad Ashley Judd wasn't here today. She did go to the game against North Carolina few weeks back. Ashley Judd's the biggest fan as she went to UK to study.

The intensity at my work between the UofL and UK fans is great. Although there are more UofL fans compared to the UK fans. In my group, there are 5 UK fans including me. But for some reason, I'm the one who always gets picked on by the UofL fans. Just because I'm the most passionate about my team. What the f*** ever! I have the UK flag, UK magnet and UK soft toy in my cube. I don't give a hoot what other people think, it's my f***in' cube. I can put whatever the f*** I want! There's one particular person in my group who's always giving me a hard time when it comes to UK. I was told the reason why I was an easy target for her to pick on is because I was the most passionate UK fan and I'm easily bothered and whatever that's said about UK, gets to me!

Word of the day is, OVERRATED!!!! The game started off good by the players. The fans were all revved up because this is THE game!!! The fans stood the entire game cheering and roaring. Pitino (UofL's coach) made a fool of himself by stepping into the court yelling at the Ref. Idiot! He got a Technical foul for that. What an idiot! I know he was trying to motivate his players but he didn't have to be like a clown. Final score was 73 to 61!!! And everybody predicted that we'd lose just because we played bad last week against Indiana University (IU). Boy, that was an utter humiliation. I was at that game when UK lost to IU by over 20 points. I went with my husband and my brother in law. We traveled for 2 hours and beat the cold just to be embarassed. UofL played an angry team today. I guess that was part of the reason why they lost today. After the Indiana debacle, UK got down to business. UofL was ranked fourth in the country!!! Like I said, OVERRATED!!!!! Their best player didn't step up to his plate today.

Rajon Rondo, who's wearing the #4 jersey for UK was the star of this game today. He scored a career high 25!!! He's originally from Louisville. He wanted to play for UofL but Pitino was stupid enough not to pay much attention to Rondo's talent. His infatuation with Sebastian Telfair led him to hold off on taking a commitment from Rondo. When Telfair turned pro instead of coming to school, Pitino wound up with neither. Rondo felt second best and said, "screw it! you don't want me bad enough. I'm going to UK" and so he did. It was a blessing not only to Tubby but the entire UK fans! I adore this young boy. His moves....his talents...his wittiness....simply indescribable! Even Orbzut, the Polish player played extremely well today. He usually seems lost game after game. I'm gonna try to get Rondo's autograph next year during Derby Classics where all the rookies play together. I know it's just a wishful thinking but I'm hoping he'll stay another season and not go Pro. It seems rather impossible but hey, like I said, it's just a wishful thinking.

We were cheering the entire game and so was Ryan, my 23month old boy! He clapped, he jumped, he screamed throughout the game. That's right! I'm training him to be a diehard fan early!! Who knows, he might have the interest to play basketball someday!!!

So Santa, thanks for giving me one of the best Christmas gift ever!!! I couldn't ask for more. I got tickets to watch UK play against Iona next week. I hope that UK will have another break. I am well aware of the impending tough games, but for now, leave me the f*** alone. Let me celebrate this victory and stay the f*** outta my face!

To sum it all up, yes, I am indeed a diehard UK fan!!!! Merry Christmas, y'all! Be safe! Peace out! I'm out!

2005-12-15T23:23:00.000-05:00

Big round of applause to a novice like moi!! My intention of creating my "public" log, for lack of a better word is not meant to stage my daily happenings or even to be one of 'em who have blogs. Of late, as I face with life's challenges and tests, I find it hard to keep my thoughts to myself. I know it is not healthy. Heard from the thinkers that it's not good to keep everything bulking up in your chest and your head. So I've decided to let it out....for self-satisfaction, if you will!

I know, sometimes it's good to have some kind of journal to record one's life's episodes just to prove your existence. To me personally, I find that writing helps to alleviate the pressure, the stress or the f***ed up feelings that I may have for the moment. May not be permanent, but hey, temporary relieves work too.

I haven't been to the office for 2 days because I had to attend a course at New Horizons. Was about 17 miles from home. The first day, I left a bad impression to the fellow students and the Instructor! I didn't expect that day to be snowing. So I took the traffic for granted. Hey, come on! I live in Louisville. It's not like a metropolitan city or something. I am not familiar with that part of town and I printed the direction from mapquest.com Stupid mapquest took the longer route! So I was 5 minutes late and everybody had to wait on me. As though that wasn't bad enough, I had some more mishap. It was as though I was trying to prove to everybody that I have an issue with punctuality. We were given an hour and 15 minutes lunch break. So, genius me decided to stop by my sister's house for lunch. I guess the word "big duh" came a little too late when I realized the traffic was bad around lunch time. Yup! You guessed it. I was late, AGAIN!!!!

2nd day of the training, I was the first in class at 7:50am! Thank you! No pictures, please! And, I was 45 minutes early after lunch!!!! Well, I was so afraid I'd messed up again, I decided to bring lunch from home! For once that day, I was smart!!!!

Well, that's all for my first blog! I'll share my thoughts, incidents and accidents again soon. Peace out!